I'm Not Dead
by Verboten Byacolate
Summary: I'm not dead, just... floating. And I'm NOT scared... just changing. And you... you're my crack of sunlight, InuYasha.


A/N; My 3rd Pink-fic! Woo-hoo, I'm on a roll! This fic contains slight spoilers from my larger fic "Of Mentors and Lovers" and a hint spoiler of the sequal, even though the 1st one isn't done The sequal already has some groovy ideas, so, cool. This is based on the song "I'm Not Dead" by Pink. It's a songfic; duh. I thoght a lot of this song went really well with InuYasha and Kagome, so I tried really hard. Please enjoy, and tell me what you think. Please!

Disclaimer; You know that I own nothing. I don't even own the computer I'm writing this on. So don't rub it in, Takahashi.

P.S.- This fic might be a no-plotter. No plot. At all. Possibly. I don't know. When it's written, then I'll know. And you'll know.

**I'm Not Dead**

_Yeah yeah yeah yeah_

Love. She looked "love" up in the dictionary. Her results were like so;

strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties

attraction based on sexual desire

affection and tenderness felt by lovers

affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests

warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion

a beloved person

unselfish, loyal, and benevolent concern for the good of another

the sexual embrace

to hold dear

to cherish

to feel a lover's passion, devotion, or tenderness for

And the list went on. A few were on the verge of and did describe what she felt for InuYasha. The sexual embrace? As far as she knew, that wasn't happening. Sexual _desire_? That could be argued. Unselfish? He was very selfish (but his good side made up for it), and not very tender (but he could be!). His devotion could be questioned, though. He seemed to be very devoted to Kikyou. But wasn't he devoted to her as well?

_There's always cracks_

_a crack of sunlight_

_a crack in the mirror_

_or on your lips_

_It's the morning_

_on a sunset Friday_

_when all conversasions twist_

Of course he was.

It was a simple question and simple to answer. Of course he was devoted to her.

He was just devoted to Kikyou as well.

But his devotion to one single woman was lacking. He would always run in the direction of the soul-stealers and take her into his arms. Always. And it hurt her to see him run so quickly; run to the girl that wanted him dead. No matter how many times she threatened him. No matter how many times she told him to go away, and that she hated him. Every-single-time.

But he still came back.

And that was the ultimate puzzle.

_It's the fifth day of ice_

_on a new tattoo_

_but the ice should be_

_on our heads_

_We only spun the web_

_to catch ourselves_

_so we weren't left for dead_

Why would he come back if he could have just left them for Kikyou? It wasn't a safety issue; Miroku, Kirara, and Sango could have easily taken care of her, and, for the most part, she could take care of herself. She might not have been a master archer, but she wasn't half bad. And, anyway, Naraku was gone. Dead. Finished. His incarnations were taken care of, as well, and Kohaku had finally been put to ease; Sango had brought him back to perfect health when Naraku had died, and when he was in top condition, she took the shard out of his back. He was weakened slightly, but he lived. Now he was one of the healthiest boys you could ever meet; Sango made sure of that.

Miroku and Sango, together, were to be wed soon. Miroku, due to the careful training of Sango, never let his hand wander, unless it was on his bride-to-be. Sango was very happy with Miroku and Kohaku by her side, and looked it; she seemed to glow, and always had a smile on her face. Miroku, too, looked very happy, and usually had a dreamy look on his face for reasons not even those close to him could fathom, for it was a different kind of dreamy than they were used to him having. It was more of a I'm-in-my-unable-to-disturb-happy-place-and-you'll-never-get-me-out kind of dreamy, instead of the amorous sort.

Shippo had grown. Though he was still the same lovable kitsune, he had matured in many ways, making most of his infatuations requited, though he rarely ever had them anymore. His fox magic had become extremely powerful, but he still used it for mischief and showing-off to his beau Sapphire Sakura, the inu-hanyou. She would laugh at his antics, which inflated his ego, and so he would continue.

Kirara had become pregnant for the second time with the fire-cat demon, Bo-Njii, who belonged to a good friend of the group's. Bo-Njii was all-black (unlike Keroro, who was said to be black, but, in truth, just had a little more black fur than Kirara) and, like all other fire-cat demons, had two tails. Kirara, though now a mother, was still the same in every way. She still played with Shippo (though now joined with 5 kittens) and cuddled with Sango and Kohaku.

Kouga, realizing that Kagome wouldn't become his bride (and that his promise still resided in the mind of it's recepitent) finally (A/N; you know that finally should be **_FINALLY_**!) went after Ayame, and made ammends. Theirs was becoming one of the largest wolf packs in Japan, and had won against the feuding packs. Twin whirlwinds could be seen throughout Japan, traveling in sync, going in perfect rythm together.

It seemed that everybody had found love, save the girl from the well.

_And I was never looking for approval_

_from anyone but you_

_and though this journey's over_

_I'd go back if you asked me to_

Kagome knew that it could no longer be put off, now that everything was over (though not all was said and done); she would have to decide- future or past?

Funny; that's exactly how InuYasha had to choose.

But the Shikon no Tama was finished; one wish could be made upon it to purify it completely, and then, it was done. Kagome would give the wish to Sango; she had enough to decide on as it was, and did not need the pressure of making a wih- the only wish- on the sacred jewel. Sango would do the right thing. Kagome knew that her wish would be selfish, and she was going to do the right thing and let InuYasha be with Kikyou. After all, it was so obviously what he wanted.

It hurt her a little that after everything they had been through in the past four years had meant so little to InuYasha. The fights, the make-ups, the tears, the laughs; the good and the bad times. Just like the song, they'd been through them all. But, in the end (also like the song) InuYasha always kept her up, kept with her, and she with him.

Even if the past four years had meant nothing to the hanyou, they had meant everything to the miko. And she would never forget them. Ever. She would go back and do it all over again if it meant staying; but she knew that that was selfish. So she chose not to wish on the Shikon no Tama.

_I'm not dead, just floating_

_right between the ink on your tattoo_

_in the belly of the beast_

_we turned into_

_I'm not scared, just changing_

_Right behind the cigarette_

_and the devilish smile_

_You're my crack of sunlight_

The kiss obviously meant nothing to him. He had wanted to be a full demon anyway, after all. She had stopped him that time by means of a kiss because it was the only way. She doubted he even heard her declaration of love. And when he kissed her back... Kikyou had to have been the one who had entered his mind. It would be foolish to believe otherwise. Simply foolish.

But, then, he held her... and it felt so right. The way their bodies melded together, and how reluctant they were to part... it must have meant something. Anything! Kaguya's castle couldn't have just been a normal episode in their every-day lives. No. She had admitted to him that she loved him as a hanyou, and kissed him. He had kissed back, and embraced her, close to his heart.

That could not mean nothing.

_You can do the math a thousand ways_

_but you can't erase the facts_

_That others come and others go_

_but you always come back_

Another thing that could not mean nothing; the solid fact that he always came back after his escapades with Kikyou. No matter what, he always returned. Of course, Kagome made sure of that half of the time, but still. It had to mean something.

But that was just it, wasn't it?

To Kagome, _everything_ could mean _something_, but in truth, it could possibly mean _nothing_! Did that mean that InuYasha felt she was nothing but a shard collector? Nothing but a shell of the walking shell? No. He wouldn't... no matter how much she resembled the living-dead miko. He wouldn't. She knew him too well.

He would always come back.

And that's what gave Kagome faith... and what tore her up the most about her decision.

_I'm the winter flower_

_underground_

_always thirsty for summer rain_

_And just like the changing seasons_

_I know you'll be back again_

Sango; her sister, Shippo; her son, Miroku; her older brother, and InuYasha... her unrequited love. The four most important things in her life... and the ones she was giving her tearful goodbye. She had used all her excuses; _It will be better this way... I'm not even meant to be here... We'll all go on with our normal lives... like it never happened._

The last part was unsaid, but everybody knew that is was what was going on im the young woman's mind. Sango was crying, her arms wrapped around Kagome's shoulders, sobs wracking her body. Miroku cried silent tears, and smiled half-heartedly at the girl he viewed as his younger sister. Shippo clung to her legs, whimpering, an crying, as though watching his mother die for the second time. Kagome's heart broke to see the pain she was causing these people she saw as her family... but her mind was not swayed, as she looked upon InuYasha. He was standing rigid as a board, his face pale, his eyes hidden by his bangs. Kagome thought she saw him tremble once, but thought it to be a trick of her mind.

_I'm not dead, just floating_

_right between the ink on my tattoo_

_I tried to hide my scard from you_

_I'm not scared, just changing_

_Right behind the cigarette_

_and the devilish smile_

_You're my crack of sunlight_

The trip to the well was a mournful one that Kagome vouched to go alone. She could not stand to see one more tear fall from her beloved sister's eyes, nor that of her adopted son. The pain was immense on all sides. Except, it seemed, for InuYasha. He had not protested, nor argued against her decision. In fact, not a word was exchanged between the two; parting statements, or otherwise. He had been sullen, and as though in a contest, because he would not speak, she, too, refused.

Who's will was stronger?

Obviously InuYasha's, because he didn't cry. Not one tear did he shed. And that's what completely tore her heart to peices.

He didn't care. She was just a shard-collector, after all. All the pain... all the anguish... the envy, the hatred, the heartbreak, the apologies, the make-ups, the happiness, the joy, the laughter, the wonders, the love... and the tears. None of it had made a dent in his soul. She was nothing. And, so, she would go. Go to where she would be something, though she knew she could be nothing without InuYasha.

She would never marry; no one could come close to her heart as InuYasha had. She would get a job that payed the bills of a single maiden. She would probably become a dog-lady in her old age. She would speak to her dogs as if they were humans, and Souta would question her sanity enough so as not to let his children see her very often. She would reek of dog, and live in the mountains. Oh yes. She had a lot to look forward to.

_I'm not dead just yet!_

_I'm not dead, I'm just floating_

_doesn't matter where I'm going_

_I'll find you_

_I'm not scared at all_

There was the well. _This is the last time I'll ever see it from this point of view ever again._ The thought brought fresh tears to her face. She walked over and sat on the lip of the well. _I never said goodbye to the God Tree._ Though she knew that the same tree stood in her yard 500 years into the future, she stood back up and walked to it.

The tree towered powerfully, importantly over the girl.

"This is where I first met... InuYasha," she stated quietly. "So many events happened under this tree. This is where both Kikyou and I shot him... but afterwords, I remained alive. We were able to communicate, even five-hundred years across time, through this tree... even touch, if briefly. I first saw him... asleep... so peaceful, with an arrow through his heart. And then..." her fists clenched slightly,"he called me Kikyou."

A soft pattering of footsteps could be heard behind her. Her fists clenched even more tightly.

"Is that why you're leaving us?" came the voice she so loved, yet, at this moment, so despised. Because he could have love... and she could never do so. Because he could find love, she could not. "Leaving me?"

"I cannot stay, InuYasha. I would be intruding on your... Sango, Miroku, and Shippo's lives.

"Why-"

"Kikyou. You're going to hell with Kikyou, remember?"

He was silent.

"Exactly," Kagome said quietly. She turned around and headed back for the well.

_Underneath the cuts and bruises_

_find the game where no one looses_

_I'll find you (I will find you!)_

_I'm not dead, just floating._

_I'm not scared, just changing._

Of course, he followed her.

"Kagome... please... there must be some way..."

"The journey's over, InuYasha. It's been four years. We finally killed Naraku, and gathered all the jewel shards. And, seeing as I'm the shard collector, my job is finished. You won't even be here. What's left for me?"

No answer.

"Exactly."

She set her bag on the lip of the well and swung her leg over the side.

"Goodbye, InuYasha." She looked down the well, where a few of her tears fell. "I'll never forget you."

"Was it true?"

Kagome looked back up at him.

"What?"

"Was... what you said... at Kaguya's castle. Was it true?"

"Every word."

"Then," he grabbed her hand, "you can't go."

She was confused.

"I won't let you go."

He pulled her out of the well and into his arms.

"Because I feel the same."

Kagome's eyes widened.

"I love you, Kagome. You're not just a shard-collector or a reincarnation. You're everything to me. You can't go."

And so, of course, she stayed.

_You're my crack of sunlight_


End file.
